Wednesday, April 16, 2014

You STILL don't know?! Part 1

It's pretty crazy to think that in under half of a year, I will have been in Qatar for 5 years. 5 YEARS!!!
What's even crazier about it is that people still have no idea where or what Qatar is.
I still get insane questions all the time.
Which got me thinking...
If I post some of them and answer them here...
Maybe I won't have to answer them again.
Probably wishful thinking but we'll give it a go anyway.

Here are 5 commonly asked questions about life in Qatar:

Q:"So, like, what kind of food do they eat there?"
A: By "they", I assume you mean locals. Which is a pretty decent question except for the obviousness of the true answer. "They" eat the same shit that is eaten everywhere. McDonald's, KFC, Chili's, Applebee's, pretty much anything with an apostrophe s at the end. Red Lobster opened here this year and people went absolutely ape shit. "Have you been to Red Lobster?! NO!?!?! Dude, you HAVE to go."
Doha is also the home of some of the best restaurants from some of the best chefs in the world. Any cuisine you desire, you can probably find a Michelin star chef here for it. But be prepared to pay a premium. Nearly all the food is imported.
With that being said, there is also a wide variety of Arabic and Indian food here. Qatar is very much a melting pot in all senses of the term. The myriad of influences spread across all things here.
Lambs is the center piece of nearly all Qatari meals. It's really delicious. Until the 3rd day straight where you are tearing meat from something that still has it's head on.
Another thing that is a bit different is the obvious 'no pork in a Muslim country'.



Q:"WHAT?!?! No pork?!?! Oh man. I don't think I could survive without bacon. Mmmm. Bacon."
A: First of all, you would definitely survive. No one has ever died of bacon withdraw.
*I did not fact check that so if I am wrong, I apologize to the friends and family of that poor bastard*
But even though you can't get pork in a restaurant, you can still get it here. You have to have a special license to get it and it's only sold in one place. The same place where they sell the liquor.




Q:"Wait... what about alcohol?"
A: Again, it's a Muslim country so there aren't Schlitz tall boys in the fridge at the corner store. Drinking is not forbidden for foreigners (non-Muslims) but it is pretty strictly controlled. You can only drink in hotels. There are dozens of overpriced clubs and bars dotted throughout the town. You're going to pay a bomb but you can still go get as red faced, slobbery, and stupid as you please. As long as you don't do anything similar in public. That is a major no-no. Public intoxication is not something you want to be banged up for. Stiff penalties and deportation always loom in the back of your mind.
But as I mentioned before, you can buy alcohol with a special license.
This license entitles you to buy up to 10% of your monthly income on booze and pork. It must be kept and consumed in the privacy of your own home.



Q:"So do people ride camels there?"
A: Yes. But definitely not the way you think.
You will not see a man riding a camel down the highway. You won't see camels tied up outside of high schools. There is no camel car wash.
Camels are only ridden by the OG's and the trainers. Camel riding is a time honored tradition in the Middle East. Some people still do it daily. But never in the city.
Camel racing is a big thing too. They even use robot camel jockeys. But that's a whole other conversation.


Q:"I heard that Qatar bought the World Cup. Is that true?"
A: I quit my position as president of Fifa just before the announcement of the 2022 host so I can't comment on that one. But if they did, they certainly are spending more preparing to host it than they did to buy it. Plus... this country truly wants the World Cup here. And they deserve it. So let em have it. Let's face it... if it were played in America... no Americans would care enough to go. And if they did, I'm sure it wouldn't be for the game, if you know what I'm saying. *Nudge, nudge



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