Last night I had trouble falling asleep.
I was obsessing over the fact that there are things that I will never say.
For someone that doesn't always think before they speak, this is a perplexing issue.
So instead of tossing and turning, I decided to write some down.
Here are a few things that I will never say:
-Oh wow! Tom cruise is in a new film! That's bound to be good!
-I was so drunk. I didn't know she was a he.
-I was so drunk. I didn't know he was a she.
-Remember that episode of Cheers?!
-Soccer is fun to watch more than once a year.
-I just pre-ordered the new Harry Potter audiobook.
-Sorry I can't this weekend. I am camping out for a new Apple product.
-Whatever I stepped in doesn't taste that good.
-I love the smell of this cab!
-Dave Matthews is totally chill bro.
-Yeah that one was cool too. But my new Ferrari is so much better.
-You HAVE to try the food in Cairo!
-Yes, your honor. I did it.
-Hey! Ja Rule! Welcome to my home!
When I Was 8 Years Old On My Birthday
10 years ago
lmfao these are hilarious
ReplyDeleteYeah well you just wait till you hop into MY cab with a couple trannies, where we'll be listening to some underground Dave Matthews and when he references in song something that reminds you of the one episode of Cheers you saw and while on our way to your house i happen to mention that Tom Cruise will star in the next Harmony Korine. film and ask if you want to see it but alas you have plans for the weekend (something about camping)...oh what was that? you like Portugal's new album 'my new Ferrari' better? well before we get back to your place i want to make a quick stop at this bangin' restaurant called Cairo, your gonna love it....no thanks man i really dont want to hear the harry potter audiobook you own, i guess there's no new Potter books coming out anymore huh? uh no i will not try whats on the bottom of your shoe no matter how delicious you say it is....aaaaaand here we are just arrived at your place where Judge Judy happens to ask you if you were the one responsible for writing the lyrics to 'can we move' by the taxidermists....well answer her!
ReplyDeleteeh, even if i invited Ja Rule to your house i wouldn't expect you to welcome him..